I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
why is half of my head shaved?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
