nut hugger
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
In America we eat man semen.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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