We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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