cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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