Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize