Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
