I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize