The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
