and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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