Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am full of burrito and curiosity
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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