i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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