apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
