wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
