My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
