ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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