1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
