Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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