omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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