i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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