That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
