dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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