All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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