Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
tell me about the eggs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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