So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
