Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
