I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
