Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
