We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
