I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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