I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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