You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
