I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
