Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
