It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
