i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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