I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
