If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
