you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
