...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize