And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
