Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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