I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
