Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
