But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
