Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
