Too much gin, very little bucket
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
