what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
