I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
