He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
