giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Watching her eat just hurts me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize