the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
