Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
