he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
