it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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