My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
