i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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