We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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