I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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