Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
