I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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