she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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