i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
