so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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