wanna go halves on a baby?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
