I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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