Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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