smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
