As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
