I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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