you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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