I seem to have left my pride at pride
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
