if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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