I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
