Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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