I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
